Tag Archives: annoying coworkers

The Land of Peculiar Internet Searches

2 Oct

Ladies and Gentlemen, People in Cubicles, Cubicle Rebel blog subscribers, here we go again.

The most peculiar, hilarious, disturbing searches that have landed people at this blog since the last posting on this topic…My thoughts appear in BOLD.

1.  man stuck in digestive system

(Whaaaaaaat? Could there have been a cannibal out there? Should I alert the authorities?!)

2.  kfc dude eating from mcdonalds

(Um, how would you know that this “dude” was a “kfc dude”? Scratching head on this one.)

3.  annoying wrappers in the office

4.  office person sighs annoying -sign -signs

5.  cubicle noise hood

(They make hoods for cubicles now? Pray tell.)

6.  starbucks is a cult

(I actually wrote about this before.) 

7.  obnoxious girl popping bubble gum

(Yep, people who pop gum, particularly in office environments, are totally obnoxious.) 

8.  starbucks interview attire

(I’m thinking black pants and a white shirt will do.) 

9.  tongue cleaner boots

(I’m afraid of this internet searcher.)

10.  hey did you know

(Seriously? Who Googles this?)

11.  coworkers who hint for you to get them lunch

12. erratic person

(Cough. Why would this land them HERE? Does the internet think I’m “erratic”?)

13.  waitress must need items

(What the…?)

14.  germs under fingernails

(Someone thinks that germs are visible.)

15. i have itching on my toes around cubicle area

(Cuticle area?)

16.  coworker won’t stop clicking pen

17.  roofing paychecks

18.   success looking at the light of the future

19.  ear plugs for cubicles

(Ooooh. As a noise intolerant, I can totally relate.)

20.  mc donalds cow

(Some people should just stay away from fast food altogether.) 

21.  lol cubicle noise etiquette

22.  annoying colleague chart

23.  germs free workplace

(In your dreams, buddy. Mine, too!)

24.  large shoe cubicle

25.  administrative assistant hell

(LOL!)

26.  white women hr cubicles

(Hmm, didn’t know there were cubicles specifically for “hr”; assuming they mean human resources.)

27.  be nice to the lunch lady

(You got that right! Or she’ll put her musky finger in your mashed potatoes.) 

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!! 

Actually there are so very many more I could add but I’ll save the super howlers for next time.

Oh, that was goooood. 

Truly, the People of the Internet do make me laugh. And Lord knows I need to laugh these days. As an unemployed blogger who eats cheese sandwiches on a daily basis.

‘Til next time.

Dear Clueless Gum Popper @ the Office…

27 Sep

Dear Clueless Gum Popper @the Office:

Must you torture our ears with the pop, pop, popping sound of chewing gum bumping against your teeth as you twist and turn the glob in such a fashion that it makes noises outside of your own personal space?

You’re killing us, your coworkers.

The very sound of that snap, crackle, popping noise nearly eight hours a day has made some of us imagine purely evil thoughts against you.  We almost can’t help ourselves.  We’ve been through this before.

Why, Bill, he even tried to remove the gum from your desk when we sent you on that wild goose chase for the McCafferty files on the 2nd floor. Remember? When you came back to the department six times and Laura sent you back again and again? 

Ahem.  There are no McCafferty files.

As long as you keep abusing us with noise pollution we will continue plotting against you and your gum stash.

There you sit day in and day out popping gum resembling a firecracker that can be heard all the way down the  hallway. I once was in the stairwell and heard it as I opened the door. Do you know how far the stairwell is from your desk?

I’ve fantasized about you having extensive dental work so that you could not chew anything, especially gum. Only quiet things would enter your mouth. Like yogurt.

Once, when you were off from work for two days straight, on sick leave, our entire department breathed a huge sigh of relief. It was two days of no-gum-popping bliss.

No one missed you.

Not even a little bit.

You are clueless in a way that befuddles us all. Do you ever imagine what it’s like to hear the grating noise of a popping sound for hours each day?And even with the repeated hints we’ve given you, you still stuff that gum into your pie hole and go to town gnawing on it as if it’s your very first piece of gum ever, as if the sugar in the gum is magic elixir that you must extract every single bit of.

Please, for the love of sanity, switch to hard candy.

We can’t take it anymore.

Aching in CubicleVille,

Your Co-workers

Workplace Etiquette

30 May

This excerpt is from Yahoo!Finance/Click link to read full article, Why Your Co-Workers Don’t Like You.

WASHINGTON (MarketWatch) — Your co-workers are judging you. Beneath a veneer of professional collegiality, they’re taking note of the mess on your desk, how loudly you chew, even your word choices.

Obviously, serious misconduct such as discrimination and harassment can lead to a job loss. But small irritants can hurt productivity and build walls between co-workers.

“Those little annoyances, like having a really sloppy work area or being a disgusting desk eater, can loom large,” said Charles Purdy, senior editor at jobs site Monster.com.

To avoid negative judgments from your co-workers, experts advise avoiding the following behaviors.

Sucking up to the boss

Negativity

Messiness (at your desk, in the shared company refrigerator slash kitchen, bathroom, etc.)

Hmm. Based on the searches that lead people to this blog, there are  A LOT of annoying coworkers out there who probably don’t even realize they’re annoying. Think about it. You spend approximately 8 hours a day around your coworkers. In close proximity.

You’re chewing and popping gum.

You’re chewing ice.

Your radio is probably too loud.

Your phone conversations are probably too loud. Heck, your office conversations are probably too loud.

The fish ensemble you heated in the microwave singes the nose hairs of others. Especially when you eat it every single Friday.

Your perfume could be rancid.

Clicking your ink pen in & out, in & out, in & out, in & out, in & out over several hours can make those around you think homicidal thoughts regarding your existence.

Tapping your fingers on your desk every single day could make you a legendary office annoyance.

Get a clue: You’re grating your coworkers’ nerves. You’re shredding their sanity to pieces. Tiny pieces.

I’ve always said that employees often spend more time around their coworkers than they do their own family. In an office environment you could very well dwell 8 hours around your coworkers. IN THE SAME SEAT. IN THE SAME CUBICLE. Gosh, if there’s someone anywhere near to you that’s annoying that can be beyond painful.

At home during an 8-hour span you could relocate; you’re not sentenced to one area.  Nor are there others around you that you have to play office politics with and not be able to just say “STOP POPPING THAT EFFING GUM!!!!”

At work you’re tethered to a desk, you’re just stuck. Add the grating behaviors of those around you and it can be awful.

For the love of sanity please become self-aware. Or work from home.

Clueless Annoying Coworkers: The Gum Popper

4 Nov

Every job has one. Every office has one. Or many. If you’re lucky you’ll only have one on each job. They’re always clueless and therefore uber annoying.

Enter Clueless Annoying Coworker #1:

She pops gum

All.

Day.

Long.

Pop! Pop! Pop! Pop!

As if there’s a firecracker in her mouth.

As if bubble wrap is being squeezed by her very teeth joining together.

She sits mere feet away from you.

She hasn’t a clue how many times you’ve thought of throttling her because you return her smile whenever she passes your cubicle.

You’ve actually visualized yourself removing the gum from her very mouth.

Either that or sneaking into her office when she’s at lunch, searching her desk and removing any evidence of her fireworks.

Eight hours a day she does this. The only break you get is when you or she goes to lunch or a meeting or the bathroom.

You can hear that ear grinding, brain rattling popping noise in your sleep sometimes.

Pop! Pop! Pop!

You find yourself musing that whoever sold this Popper that gum should have their very merchant’s license revoked.

It’s gotten so bad you’ve dreamed of her submitting her two-week notice and leaving your ear space altogether.

The anonymous note you sent to her via e-mail…

Um, hi! Could you tone it down a bit with the daylong gum popping? Thanks!

proved fruitless.

This could get ugly.  Downright hideous.

Eyeballing Random Coworkers

7 Oct

Observation # 1:  *Eileen the Calorie Counter

Eileen is the coworker often present in most offices who eats yogurt for breakfast as if she’s spooning her last meal into her pie hole.

She scrapes the yogurt container with her plastic spoon ever so vigorously and noisily while eyeing the very bottom of the container.

Eileen is an infinite waist watcher. She’s peeved because she can’t fit into her “high school” jeans although she’s been out of high school for 26 years.

Exactly six minutes after she tosses her empty scraped yogurt container into the trashcan she’s eating her second (free) donut.

I’m so sick of hearing about Eileen’s jeans. 

Oy.

*Ficitious name, but of course.