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Yikes!

11 Jul

I’m baaaaaack.

I’m in the land of the living.

I was gone so long because life happened since my last post. 

In Other News…

I still have a “rash” (cough) from cubicle life.

I am currently an “unemployed Renegade.”

Though I had an interview last week.

Just KNEW I would get the job.

Didn’t.

I probably ate, like, 8 donuts. All glazed.

Then I REALLY felt worse.

It was one of those jobs where you could really see yourself working there, you know? The pay was doable. The office even had a zen feel to it. I waited.

I bit nails and spit them across rooms.

envisioned myself working there.

I had mock conversations with my boss-to-be.

I drove by the building claiming that job.

I waited through the long Fourth of July holiday week.

Finally Friday arrived.

Nothing.

I checked my phone. (Perhaps my battery died?)

Nothing.

Then the other day I get an e-mail…“Sorry but there were a lot of great candidates to choose from…You did not make the cut…”

I feel another donut coming on.

I am down to coins in cups.

I have an art show this month.

The sun will shine on me.

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Where I’ve Been

10 Jan

blog

 

I know.

No, really, I know. 

Shame on me.

Sort of.

I’ve taken several breaks/hiatuses lately. (Is “hiatuses” even a word?)

Well, like I’ve mentioned recently there is a project I’ve been working on that has become gargantuan, colossal, magnanimus (my own word), ginormous. It grew wings. I even had to get a cage to put this undertaking in.

And since I absolutely positively must finish this project coupled with the fact that it’s taking so much of my time, I became neglectful of other things, including this blog.

So I will return to posting since you’re panting for office “chat” as soon as I can though I don’t know when that will be.

Of course THIS year! 

Most likely within a matter of weeks. Although “weeks” could  be double-digit. We’ll see what happens.

Thanks for reading, subscribing and being out there in internet land.

All the best,

Cubicle Rebel 

People You Avoid At Work

12 Dec

We’ve all got them.  There’s at least one person at your job that you’d rather not deal with.  I mean, this is the last person you’d want to get stuck on the elevator with alone.  Or in the bathroom.  Or in the company kitchen while you’re standing there waiting the 10,000 minutes for your Lean Cuisine fettucini with sparse chicken to defrost and get hot already so you can just stir it and go.

73465037641359841_kWZg0MoJ_c

The worst is when neither of you likes each other, regardless of reason, if there’s even a reason.

Some people we just don’t like very well or just don’t want to mingle with or perhaps something about them just gives us the willies.  Whatever it is you’d just rather not come face to face with him or her. Or–God help you–them.

God help you more if it’s your boss or CEO.

I once worked at a trade association where we got a new (male) CEO from New Jersey who was rumored to be tied to the m.a.fia.  Seriously.  Gosh, there were whispers and gasps for weeks leading up to his arrival.  The executive assistants who sat in the fishbowl where his office would be located nearly shat their skirts fearing this guy’s presence.  Though I worked down the hall and around the corner I bit my fingernails off and spit them across my cubicle.  The word on the cubicle street was that he was the type of person who would fire people without blinking his eyelids across his evil eyeballs.

Yep. We were skeered.

Finally he arrives. And though while not as scary as we thought he’d be, he was indeed a scowler and a tight-lipped guy who didn’t exactly smile easily. (I once came back to the office after a midday dental appointment involving novocaine       and of all people to run into I ran into Mr. New Jersey Bugsy Hitman and for once in LIFE he shoots a tiny smile my way and because of my numbed face I couldn’t feel if I was smiling back or slobbing or snarling at him.  So since I couldn’t really control the lower half of my face I did this weird thing with my eyes where they blinked rapidly and what could have been a groan escaped from my uncontrolled slobbery mouth. (Or was it slobbing? I dunno; I couldn’t feel anything.)

I sat in my cubicle for hours fretting over it while wiping escaped saliva from my chin. Whenever my phone rang I feared it was his executive assistant calling to inform me that my pink slip could be picked up in the lobby on my way out.

Funny thing is this…Within months I got a promotion, although small, but I knew it had everything to do with Mr. Bugsyman Jersey “I’ll Break Your Knees; Try Me” A-Hole’s approval of a department video I had co-starred in.  When the video was shown in a large conference room he actually threw back his head laughing at my contribution. He laughed. Not only laughed but

threw

his

head

back.

Turns out he wasn’t so scary after all.  Turns out it was all in my head.  From this story I encourage you to decode the person in your office you try to avoid. Maybe they’re not that bad after all. Besides, it beats the stress of always trying to avoid them or cringing whenever they’re around.  Work is stressful enough already.

This has been a public service announcement by The Cubicle Rebel. 

A Best Boss Ever

5 Dec

I think I want this guy to be my boss.

bartlorang

Bart Lorang, self-described tech nerd, is the CEO of software company Full Contact in Denver, Colorado.

According to ABCNews, Lorang offers his employees “paid paid” time off, like $7,500 to go on vacation.  Not only that, while they’re on this paid, paid vacation they are to nix all work-related activities:   “no calls, no emails, no tweets.”

And get this:  Mr. CEO sports flip-flops regularly.

Even the company’s web site is uber cool.

Sigh.

When will the rest of the employers learn?

Of course I don’t expect all or the average employer to cough up perks of this magnitude, but dang, some regular free muffins or more casual days would be nice.  Even better choices in the vending machine. It seems no one desires swirly pretzel bits anymore.

Mama Knows: Return to The Cubicle

26 Nov

I know.

No, really, I know.

Most of you just enjoyed a four-day weekend, if not longer, and now you’re back in Hell Hole #16 moving papers from one desk to another.

Perhaps on top of this reality you ate too much on Thanksgiving, including leftovers, and so now you’re not only sitting at your desk with those awful fluorescent lights buzzing over your scalp but you’re feeling all water-retention-ny. You don’t even want your pants to touch your waist.

Oh, I get it. I do.

There’s that coworker that you often avoid because of their propensity to grate your nerves. To make matters worse, they put their leftover gravy stained Tupperware right beside your lettuce sandwich in the tiny company refrigerator. Right next to it. Now you have the gravy juices of a person you don’t quite like smeared on your lunch bag.

Try not to think about it.

I realize you’d rather be at a higher paying job, a career, really. But you’re there. And it’s Monday. And the next holiday isn’t until Christmas day. Yikes, because it’s towards the end of the year you’ve run out of personal days and your sick day levels are dangerously low.  You feel like gnashing your teeth in vocational frustration.

Don’t.

Instead just keep calm and carry on.

Mondays are never the end of your world.

Hiatus Part II

13 Nov

Hey there!

Working on a HUGE project involving paper cuts and monkeys. Kidding only on the latter part.

The project should be done by the week after Thanksgiving.

Then I’ll be back with more charm, more snarl, more exposure of CubicleVille and its trappings, both inner and peripherally.

Until then…

A partial re-post from last year @ Thanksgiving:

I thought I’d share with you some odd tidbits I discovered about turkeys…

  • Turkeys have heart attacks. When the Air Force was conducting test runs and breaking the sound barrier, fields of turkeys would drop dead.
  • Turkeys can drown if they look up when it is raining.
  • Turkeys spend the night in trees. They fly to their roosts around sunset.
  • Gobbling starts before sunrise and can continue through most of the morning.

I swear, I didn’t make this stuff up.

In the U.S. about 280 million turkeys are sold for the Thanksgiving celebrations.

Minnesota is the United States’ top turkey producing state, followed by North Carolina, Arkansas, Missouri, Indiana, and Virginia.

3,000 calories are consumed by the average person at Thanksgiving dinner.

50 million pumpkin pies are eaten at Thanksgiving.

72 million cans of Ocean Spray Cranberry Sauce are purchased each year.

Happy Holiday!

“See” ya soon!

Personality Tests: For Some = Epic Fail

31 Oct

So I was riding in my car the other day pretending that I don’t see the 200,000 mile mark creeping upward and I heard John Tesh (remember him from “Entertainment Tonight”?) on his radio show talking about jobs and those awful personality tests they sometimes require before hiring people.

He made some really good points. Such as…

Personality tests are like (an employer) reading your private diary.(Yikes! DO YOU KNOW THE STUFF I’D PUT IN A PERSONAL DIARY IF I HAD ONE?!)

The key, he admonished, is to be perfectly honest because those tests are structured to know if you’re fudging your answers. Here are a few actual personality test questions to ponder…

Are you more frequently a:

a practical sort of person OR

a fanciful sort of person?

First of all, I dunno. I don’t even like the word “fanciful.” It sounds flighty, like I wouldn’t know that the Frucker file goes under “F”. I mean, “fanciful” in the reviewer’s eyes could mean that I dance on tables with alcoholic beverages in my hands or that I believe that unicorns should be domestic animals.  If unicorns are even real.

I mean, here’s an official definition of the word itself:

  1. fan·ci·ful

    Adjective:
    1. (of a person or their thoughts and ideas) Overimaginative and unrealistic.
    2. Existing only in the imagination or fancy.

GOSH.

I AM over-imaginative (I’m a writer, for crying out loud and an artist who thinks that I’ll be wealthy beyond boundaries in the very near future even though of late I’ve been relying more and more on rolling found coins) and I believe–OH, I BELIEVE–in big things. Big. Even when they’re still the size of salt crumbs. (Um, is that “unrealistic”?)

Here’s another personality test question:

Are you more likely to trust your:

experience OR

a hunch?

Again, this reeks of a set-up. Either answer could prove skids for you, the desperate, nearly broke job seeker who just needs to pay their monthly bills and have some cheese crackers and powdered tea left over after all the checks are written.

Do you prefer:

many friends with brief contact OR

a few friends with more lengthy contact?

This one right here, this is the one I FEAR. As in tiny bits of fingernails bitten and spat across rooms, right there at the potential job site. Bits of bitten, spitty nail fragments on the floor.  They’re trying to see if I play well with others.

Only thing is, these “others” are coworkers, not necessarily friends. 

SIGH.

I mean, on the one hand I work well alone. As in put me in a corner away from the office riff-raff and I’ll get TONS of stuff done and feel rejuvenated but on the other hand, I can work in a “team” as long as the team is easy to get along with. Get it?

From this side of things–a job seeking, potential employee–I don’t agree with personality tests. I believe they are flawed and judgmental and unnecessary for most jobs.  After all, I’ve worked at the likes of the Department of Justice (headquarters, mind you) and some other big players without aforementioned test and I did just fine filing their boring files and typing their boring documents.

Wanna take a free personality test? Go ahead, do it. See how dirty you judgmental it feels.

I like the old school days when you were hired based on your resume, eye burning eye contact and a good, firm handshake.