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CEO’s & Their McMansions

9 Oct

Do you live in a tiny one-room apartment while you sit at your desk imagining your boss in a huge house with several bathrooms and perhaps a sauna? Well, while your boss may live in a McMansion similar to this:

CEO’s of major food companies live in waterside castles like this: 

YOWZA.

This spread belongs to Pizza Hut chairman Richard Freeland.  It’s a 30,000-square-foot mansion in Indiana that reportedly cost $35 million.

Next time you eat at Pizza Hut, imagine that. 

I like sharing ridiculously eyeball popping stuff like this. It’s my duty.

Wanna see more? It’s all in Business Insider

Chipotle Strikes Again

4 Sep

Heading out for lunch today? Perhaps at Chipotle?

As a weird meat life person I’ve had issues with Chipotle for a while now.

In this area of Washington, D.C.  (and I’m assuming in other cities as well) the lines for Chipotle are always wrapped around the corners, up the street and into folks’ backyards. What is it about those beans and rice and wraps and meat?

It’s like crack to some people.

My first issue with them was their non-disclosure of using pork in their pinto beans. The horror. 

Now my issue is this. Apparently they’ve been tacking extra pennies onto (millions?) of customer’s bills. The nitty gritty from a Huffington Post article:

A few confused New Jersey customers were caught off-guard recently when they noticed their checks were rounded up to the nearest even amount.

The Star-Ledger’s Karen Price Mueller investigated and found that in Chipotle’s busiest markets — such as New York City and New Jersey — its registers round down or up depending where the coin falls nearest to a nickel.

A spokesperson for Chipotle told the Star-Ledger that the company employs the practice to curb long lines and create greater efficiency in these high-volume locations.

“The idea is simply to limit the possible combinations of change on cash transactions to keep the lines moving quickly in high volume areas,” spokesman Chris Arnold tells the newspaper.  “It was never our intention to have a policy that was confusing or misleading,” he told NJ.com.

Chipotle claims they haven’t seen any kind of profit from the practice.

You may say what’s the big deal? A few extra pennies to my bill? Whoopty-doo.

Well, first of all, I’ll keep my “few extra pennies,” thank you. They add up just like everything else. I need my pennies for lavender soap, dish detergent, cough drops, deodorant and veggie burgers, thank you very much.

They have thousands of customers each day. That’s a lot of pennies steadily adding up that supposedly aren’t creating a profit for Chipotle.

Pork hiders and penny keepers.

What will be their next secret?

I’m annoyed. Very.

McDonalds, Inc.

21 Jun

Hey, did you know that McDonalds serves 68 million customers per day?!

Yowza!

That’s, like, a katrillion dollars in profit a day. Especially when most of their workers merely make minimum wage.

Me, I rarely eat at McDonalds. I’m a fast food snob, even when poverty ridden. I generally don’t eat a lot of meat and mystery meat makes me phlklempt so as far as McDonalds goes I may get cookies or one of their pies if I’m hankering for something sweet and the restaurant is right there.  Otherwise I rarely patronize the cult-like institution place. But it seems everyone else does.

From BusinessInsider.com:

McDonalds sells more than 75 hamburgers per second.

It is believed that one in every eight American workers has been employed at McDonalds at some point in their life.

McDonalds’ golden arches are recognized by more people than the (holy) cross.

The Queen of England owns a McDonalds near Buckingham Palace as part of her vast real estate portfolio.

Also…

McDonalds is the largest purchaser of beef worldwide.

McDonalds calls people who eat their food more than once a week “Heavy Users.”  This disturbs me greatly.
 
McDonalds is built on childhood nostalgia and all that (check out the book  Fast Food Nation by Eric Schlosser); it reels us in with “family time” and calories and that creepy Ronald dude and the happy-go-lucky good times slurp-slurp McToy strategy and then we’re hooked for LIFE because there’s one on every corner and the food has programmed our tastebuds and…well, you get the picture…So that’s how they got to the point where they refer to customers who eat there a lot as “heavy users.”
From childhood  nostalgia to heavy user.
Sounds like a lifelong experiment on loyalty–err–big bucks.
 
 
I, too, was “raised” on McDonalds food. The trio was a weekly regular when I was growing up: a hamburger, small fries and a milkshake. The sheer smell of McDonalds made us kids claw at the windows of my father’s burgundy station wagon as he pulled into McDonalds. We couldn’t get out of the car fast enough. Little did we know we were being bred at, say, eight years old to love it so much that when we grew older we’d be “heavy users” at, say, 48 years old.
 
This is one of the reasons I’m glad to be a flitterer. I buck systems and march to the beat of my own drum. Even when that drum sounds all loud and annoying and offbeat. I refuse to be anyone’s decades-long “heavy user.”
 
 
Have a safe lunch today. Wink.

Top 10 Reasons I Run From Cubicle Life

11 Jun

1.  There are no couches there. There should be couches there. Nap time is underestimated.

2.  Lunchtime is too short. Even an hour-long lunch break, you figure you spend 15 minutes fetching lunch (corner deli, microwave blues, etc.) and 15 minutes returning to your cubicle walls. While I certainly don’t expect an employer to increase a lunch HOUR, I’m just sayin’.

3.  Paper cuts.

4.  Loud talkers in nearby cubicles.

5.  There’s no grass under my feet.

6.  I have to get up from my swivel chair and FIND a window to even see daylight.

7.  I feel trapped, tethered, stuck. I dunno, I just like freedom five days a week.

8.  There are other people there. Annoying people.

9.  I can’t read my favorite book on company time without getting written up. Have you ever been caught with an open novel tucked inconspicuously under company files? I HAVE.

10. Low pay. Need I say more?

Ok, 11 reasons:

11.  Protocol attire.  I really like jeans and comfy clothing, something with an elastic waist so I can let out my spill-over after gluttonously woofing down lunch. This is the part where the aforementioned couch would come in handy, too.

The least boring job I’ve ever had was when I worked at a closed captions house.  There were televisions everywhere and Breaking News! at every turn. And we got to wear jeans and shorts and t-shirts and tennis shoes and flip-flops and…well, you get the picture. The pay was low but the entertainment was high.

I watched Oprah and corny soap operas all day long while editing television scripts for on-air captions. I had a cool boss, too.

What was your favorite (office) job?

World’s Most Expensive Burger?

6 Jun

For lunch today are you having/did you have a burger? Perhaps from McDonalds or Burger King or the dive around the corner from your cubicle? Probably cost you two or three bucks, right? Well, did you know the world’s most expensive burger contains caviar–just a dollop–on top of it?

Well, the month of May (I know. I know it’s JUNE) is National Hamburger Month and people with too much time on their hands had to invent something asinine in its honor.

From a HuffingtonPost blurb:

The burger, invented in honor of National Hamburger Month,  features a patty of Japanese Waygu beef infused with 10-herb white truffle butter and seasoned with Salish Alderwood smoked Pacific sea salt. It’s topped with cheddar cheese, hand-made and cave-aged for 18 months by famed cheesemaker James Montgomery of Somerset, England. There are also shaved black truffles, a fried quail egg, a blini, creme fraiche, Kaluga caviar and a white truffle-buttered Campagna roll.

Notice how many adjectives and attempts at price justification are used in the very description. “Salish Alderwood smoked Pacific sea salt”? Oh, gosh. “Hand-made and cave-aged.” Whippty-doo! “Famed cheesemaker…” Whoo-hoo; not an ORDINARY cheesemaker? Does he give autographs?

The final touch is a solid gold “Fleur de Lis” toothpick, encrusted with diamonds, designed by world-renowned jeweler Euphoria New York.

I can’t take anymore. Do you think one could cash in the toothpick at one of those CASH FOR GOLD! places?

New York’s Serendipity 3 restaurant invented this atrocity burger according to the Guinness Book of World Records, clocking in at a shocking $295.

The burger joins the ranks of other expensive fare at Serendipity which to date has included an opulent $1,000 sundae and a $69 hot dog.

Ok, ok…I have to include this part, too:

Serendipity isn’t trying to cash out; they’re donating all profits to the Bowery Mission, which serves homeless and hungry New Yorkers.

Ain’t no way in the WORLD I would cough up $295 for a burger. In the end it’s still just cow meat.  I’d rather give the $295 directly to “homeless and hungry New Yorkers.”

Once again I’m annoyed. Very annoyed.

Want a Finger In That Sandwich?

17 May

A restaurant employee cut off her finger with a meat slicer while preparing a roast beef sandwich at Arby’s. She left her station to deal with the emergency, and other employees, who were unaware of the injury, continued to complete the order.

That’s when a 14 year old boy bit in and his teeth hit a finger.

Well, read all about it here.

Gosh, first battered chicken heads and now this.

Yet another reason to hate fast food. Not that one can’t slice off a finger at The Salad Hut, but still.

Dear Cafeteria Lady

30 Apr

Dear Cafeteria Lady,

First of all I would like to thank you for performing your thankless job of preparing food and then presenting it to us ornery office workers as we buzz through the line during lunch asking various asinine questions such as, “Is that CORN?” when clearly it’s corn.  Or when one of us inevitably spills gravy all over the OTHER foods when we clearly or not so clearly aimed the ladle at our pile of mashed potatoes. I also would like to apologize on behalf of all of the coworkers who text while going through the food line, who fail to notice that they’re holding up the line or that their yakking is so loud that every single person within hearing distance is glaring at their very moving mouth shooting firey darts their way.

The thing that really makes such people annoying is that they don’t even feel the firey darts.

I know. I know us office workers are testy for someone who works so hard to prepare delectable grub for us to devour and then have the AUDACITY to leave our sloppy trays and food messes right there on the cafeteria tables for you to clean up.

The nerve of us.

We’re horrible, yes. But I have an itty-bitty complaint about you, Dear Cafeteria Lady.

Um, could you…Could you…Is it possible when you’re doling food onto my plate that you keep your, um, THUMB out of my food? I mean, I’m sure you’re required by law to wash your hands while handling public food and all that but sometimes just the very sight of your thumb embedded in my mashed potatoes gives me the sheer willies. Thank you for understanding.

Signed,

Cubicle Dweller #382