Archive | etc. RSS feed for this section

What People Do On Weekends

28 Sep

I wonder about people. I always have. And there are layers to my wonderment. For instance, I don’t just wonder stuff like “Hmm, I wonder if Weird Bob is weird.” I  already know that Weird Bob is weird. I already imagine some of the weird things he does when he’s alone, especially seeing the weird things he does when people are around.

So I wonder about more general things like what am I doing with my time off from work?!

For years I worked jobs I loathed disliked. I’m talking jobs where you couldn’t wait for Friday to show up, to have two consecutive days off.  Gosh, Fridays prior to three-day weekends were cause for whistles and balloons and uncontrollable giggling. Well, I’d get home on a Friday after work and sink into the couch and watch television while reading. Two of my favorite things to do simultaneously. Oh, sure, I’d eat, too. Of course I ate. Fridays usually meant something sinful like a slice of red velvet cake from Safeway. (I could spend six minutes eyeballing each individually packaged slice to determine which one had the most cream cheese frosting before purchasing.)  Throw in some other miscellaneous carbohydrates and the weekend would be set.

I was a barren spinster for many years so don’t wonder about a boyfriend. CAKE was my boyfriend.

So I’d settle in to the couch with the remote control and a book or stack of magazines and by Sunday  had nearly become one with the couch fabric. Oh, it was restful and lazy and lethargic and…boring? Not the act of it all, but was boring, it seemed.

All those weekends, for years and years, especially as my friends got married and there was less and less hanging out and fewer date nights I had this pervasive thought…

WHAT ARE OTHER PEOPLE DOING ALL WEEKEND? 

I would look out of the window and watch cars speeding up Route 50 in Arlington, Va and wonder where in the world were all these people headed to, especially in such a frenzy? (Yep, this is the same street I once saw President Clinton’s motorcade ride through on.) I would hear my neighbors through the walls and wonder what they were up to. I would see people coming and going in the apartment buildings I lived in with bags from the mall and from the grocery store, perhaps with their own cream cheese frosting loneliness demands.

All I cared about was relaxing and abolishing thoughts of work from my brain the very moment they appeared. As much as I wondered what others were doing, feeling as if I was missing out on some huge weekend movement, I finally gave up envying them and whatever they were doing. I told myself that surely they weren’t doing anything that special.  I mean, there’s only but so much pleasure to fit into a weekend.

Turns out I was right…

FROM NPR (National Public Radio):

Sunday Admonition

16 Sep

 

Enjoy what you have left of your Sunday. Don’t waste it on Monday.

When Monday comes you’ll have Monday.

Transformations

31 Jul

You’ll never guess what the photo above used to be.

Guess.

No, guess.

A WAL-MART STORE.

Yep.

Formerly a Wal-Mart store in McAllen, Texas it stands at 124,500 square feet.  It’s the largest single-story library ever in the United States. It contains a coffee shop, conference rooms and a copy center among other things to fill it. The town of McAllen has fewer than 150,000 residents. I’m assuming most of them hang out at this cool center of books. I would have a chair with my name on it there.

Don’t you just love a super transformation? I certainly do.

Photos: Lara Swimmer Photography

Cubicle & Couch Potatoes

23 Jul

How many hours per day would you say you sit in your cubicle/at your desk in a swivel chair at your Establishment?

7 hours?

8 hours?

9 hours?

Well, earlier this month a report came out that we’re sitting ourselves to death. Take a look from Good Morning America:/ABC News:

Scientists are just beginning to investigate how sitting affects health, and early evidence has linked an excess of sitting time to all kinds of chronic maladies, particularly heart disease, diabetes and cancer. Now, a new analysis published in the British Medical Journal suggests that the life expectancy of the entire U.S. population could increase if Americans simply reduce the time they reduce channel-surfing on the sofa. (Cubicle Rebel note: Or sitting at a work station.)

Researchers looked at the results of five studies that explored the effects on nearly 167,000 people of sitting and watching television. Then they turned to national data collected by the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention on how much time Americans report sitting and watching TV.

Based on all this data, the researchers calculated that limiting the time Americans spend sitting to three hours or fewer each day would increase the life expectancy of the U.S. population by 2 years. Cutting down TV watching to fewer than two hours each day would bump life expectancy up by another 1.4 years.

OUCH.

I wonder how many hours combined I’ve sat at various desks and then went home and watched television or sat at my home computer for several more hours.

Solutions suggested for getting up and moving those legs and body parts is to make a point to get up once an hour, even, and walk around the office, up the hallway or to simply visit a coworker’s desk instead of sending every single e-mail.

Or you could just make a note to yourself to do leg lifts every so often to get the blood circulating.

Don’t let your job kill you.

Just another public service announcement from the Cubicle Rebel.

Easy going out there.

🙂

Hiatus

27 Jun

Greetings folks.

I, the Cubicle Rebel, also known as Jennifer Kley, also known as the Rambling Tragic Employee of ALL jobs I’ve had, will be going on hiatus for a while.

How long, you ask?

Not long. About a week. Maybe a tad longer.

THANK YOU ALL for reading.

I will return with more grumblings, anecdotes, kvetching and random workplace/cubicle life statistics shortly.

“See” you then.

World’s Most Expensive Burger?

6 Jun

For lunch today are you having/did you have a burger? Perhaps from McDonalds or Burger King or the dive around the corner from your cubicle? Probably cost you two or three bucks, right? Well, did you know the world’s most expensive burger contains caviar–just a dollop–on top of it?

Well, the month of May (I know. I know it’s JUNE) is National Hamburger Month and people with too much time on their hands had to invent something asinine in its honor.

From a HuffingtonPost blurb:

The burger, invented in honor of National Hamburger Month,  features a patty of Japanese Waygu beef infused with 10-herb white truffle butter and seasoned with Salish Alderwood smoked Pacific sea salt. It’s topped with cheddar cheese, hand-made and cave-aged for 18 months by famed cheesemaker James Montgomery of Somerset, England. There are also shaved black truffles, a fried quail egg, a blini, creme fraiche, Kaluga caviar and a white truffle-buttered Campagna roll.

Notice how many adjectives and attempts at price justification are used in the very description. “Salish Alderwood smoked Pacific sea salt”? Oh, gosh. “Hand-made and cave-aged.” Whippty-doo! “Famed cheesemaker…” Whoo-hoo; not an ORDINARY cheesemaker? Does he give autographs?

The final touch is a solid gold “Fleur de Lis” toothpick, encrusted with diamonds, designed by world-renowned jeweler Euphoria New York.

I can’t take anymore. Do you think one could cash in the toothpick at one of those CASH FOR GOLD! places?

New York’s Serendipity 3 restaurant invented this atrocity burger according to the Guinness Book of World Records, clocking in at a shocking $295.

The burger joins the ranks of other expensive fare at Serendipity which to date has included an opulent $1,000 sundae and a $69 hot dog.

Ok, ok…I have to include this part, too:

Serendipity isn’t trying to cash out; they’re donating all profits to the Bowery Mission, which serves homeless and hungry New Yorkers.

Ain’t no way in the WORLD I would cough up $295 for a burger. In the end it’s still just cow meat.  I’d rather give the $295 directly to “homeless and hungry New Yorkers.”

Once again I’m annoyed. Very annoyed.

Odd College Degrees

24 May

I once read or heard that someone actually did a thesis paper to earn their doctoral degree on–are you ready for this?–GLITTER.

Its origins and its life on earth, how it never truly goes away once made. Gosh, ever get a piece of glitter stuck to your eyelid to the point of poking your eye out trying to rid yourself of it? Me no likey glitter personally.

Well, there are some peculiar college degrees out there, too.

There’s a degree in puppetry. I know, right?

(Though for Jim Henson, the creator of The Muppets–I’ve always adored Kermit; I even have a small stuffed Kermit from 6th grade that has traveled well with me through hells and high waters–this career proved insanely successful.)

There’s even a degree in packaging.  After all, someone had to decide that potato chips should come in a bag and not a box and that the very bags they come in should be loud in a crinkly way. Don’t even get me started on the Sun Chips issue with those super noisy bags. There’s even a series of YouTube videos on the very “noise pollution” of Sun Chips bags. Take a look via the link. What I want to know is why doesn’t someone with a degree in packaging figure out a way to give us more than scanty chip volume, to get rid of those half filled bags of AIR. Now that would be impressive.

Photo & below from ConsumerReports.org:

A Frito-Lay customer rep confirmed that chip bags are half-filled. But why? Delicate items pose several challenges. Chips can be broken by rollers on the packing line or pressure from machinery that seals the bags. Extra air limits pressure on chips when bags are stacked. Even altitude matters. If a bag lacks the “headspace” to accommodate pressure changes when a truck passes through high-altitude regions, for example, the seal could break.
 

Hmm. Sounds like trillion-dollar lingo to me to sell the least chips for the most price.  I’M TIRED OF RUNNING OUTTA CHIPS WHEN I HAVE TOO MUCH SANDWICH LEFT!!  I always find myself balancing how many chips I have left vs. how many bites of sandwich I have left.

Chips left. Sandwich. Chips left. Sandwich.

Oy.

Back to the program…

There’s also a degree in decision making. Sure, its offered at Indiana University’s School of Business.

There’s a degree in wine making. Now that one I get. Not so weird considering the wine industry is a big kahuna.

There’s a degree in turfmaking called turfgrass specialization where students learn to manage the greens on golf courses.

Wowza.

There’s even a degree in Aromatherapy.

But the oddest degree, based on the fact that only ONE person in the world has ever earned it, is in ENIGMATOLOGY, the creation and solution of puzzles. It was earned in 1974 by Will Shortz at Indiana University as a graduate degree.

We live in a colorful world. It never ceases to make my jaw drop a bit. Or a lot. I wonder if there’s a degree in jaw dropping.