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I Mean, It’s Your Butt

26 Nov


1. higher in station, rank, degree, importance
2. above the average in excellence, merit, intelligence
3. showing a consciousness or feeling of being better than or above others.
This is where “superior” people sit. People deemed more important than support staff. People who get paid gobs more than the staff beneath them. In a catalog it’s actually labeled “Executive Chair”:

Meanwhile this is the chair your butt must plop into while you handle a “superior’s” paperwork:

Is his butt more superior than yours?

So what, he’s put in twenty years longer than you have. Your butt is important to you. It is a vital part of your anatomy. I mean, after all, you’re the one who does all the dirty work.  In fact, you cover their butt all the time.  Why can’t your butt be held by a buttery soft comfy chair, too?

Gosh, do you have to wait twenty more years before you’re deemed important enough to have an “Executive” chair?

Twenty years is a long time to wait for your butt to be cushioned properly. Why, at 40 hours/week that’s a gazillion hours from now. What if you get pregnant in that time period? I mean, is there a Pregnant Woman chair to accomodate your wider frame, your swollen-ness? What if you gain thirty pounds from eating four million “treats” from the vending machine in those twenty more years?

I mean really, would you sit in this chair at your home for eight hours a day, perched facing in one direction?

I’m sorry. Did I upset you? Wait. I didn’t mean to ruin your weekend. I–I just wanted to awaken your inner rebel, your dormant confrontational equal rights self. Here’s a suggestion for Monday when you return to work after a refreshing three or four-day weekend:

Get the Staples (or Ben’s Office Furniture) catalog, march into aforementioned superior’s office with the “executive” chair of your choice circled boldly with a black Sharpie and demand ask for a new improved chair, one just like similar to the one his/her butt is resting comfortably on.

After all, your butt is very important to you.

I’m here 4 you.