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Top 10 Reasons I Run From Cubicle Life

11 Jun

1.  There are no couches there. There should be couches there. Nap time is underestimated.

2.  Lunchtime is too short. Even an hour-long lunch break, you figure you spend 15 minutes fetching lunch (corner deli, microwave blues, etc.) and 15 minutes returning to your cubicle walls. While I certainly don’t expect an employer to increase a lunch HOUR, I’m just sayin’.

3.  Paper cuts.

4.  Loud talkers in nearby cubicles.

5.  There’s no grass under my feet.

6.  I have to get up from my swivel chair and FIND a window to even see daylight.

7.  I feel trapped, tethered, stuck. I dunno, I just like freedom five days a week.

8.  There are other people there. Annoying people.

9.  I can’t read my favorite book on company time without getting written up. Have you ever been caught with an open novel tucked inconspicuously under company files? I HAVE.

10. Low pay. Need I say more?

Ok, 11 reasons:

11.  Protocol attire.  I really like jeans and comfy clothing, something with an elastic waist so I can let out my spill-over after gluttonously woofing down lunch. This is the part where the aforementioned couch would come in handy, too.

The least boring job I’ve ever had was when I worked at a closed captions house.  There were televisions everywhere and Breaking News! at every turn. And we got to wear jeans and shorts and t-shirts and tennis shoes and flip-flops and…well, you get the picture. The pay was low but the entertainment was high.

I watched Oprah and corny soap operas all day long while editing television scripts for on-air captions. I had a cool boss, too.

What was your favorite (office) job?

Happy Administrative Professionals Day!

25 Apr

Oh drat. We’re one of those. Somehow we ended up typing The Man’s documents, fiddling with his reports and squeezing “treats” from the vending machine in between in spite of our real dreams to become SuperWomen.

Yep, today my fellow office dwellers is Administrative Professionals Day.

Administrative Professionals’ Day (also known as Secretaries Day or Admin Day) is an unofficial secular holiday observed in several countries to recognize the work of secretaries, administrative assistants, receptionists, and other administrative support professionals. In North America, it is celebrated on the Wednesday of the last full week of April (April 25 in 2012). In much of Europe it is celebrated on the third Thursday in April.

Over the years, Administrative Professionals Week has become one of the largest workplace observances. The event is celebrated worldwide through community events, social gatherings, and individual corporate activities recognizing support staff with gifts. In the United States, the day is often celebrated by giving one’s assistant gifts such as flowers, candy, trinkets, lunch at a restaurant, or time off.

The International Association of Administrative Professionals suggests that employers support the holiday by providing training opportunities for their administrative staff through continuing education, self-study materials, or seminars. —from wikipedia.

Forget seminars and training and continuing education. Who gives a rat’s heiny?

YOU BETTER GET CHOCOLATE, LUNCH AT A  RESTAURANT WITH CLOTH NAPKINS OR TIME OFF.

OR ELSE SOMEBODY WITH AN OFFICE DOOR AND WINDOW, THEIR COFFEE SHOULD TASTE WEIRD TOMORROW.

Kidding. Sort of.

I’ll take this time to randomly mock us in pictures with captions.

“I’m smiling because my boss is paying me $5,000 less than what I should be making annually.”

“I’m smiling on the outside but inside I am weeping.”

“I love coming to work and facing a hot computer screen eight hours a day while wearing a tight blazer and an earpiece attached to my head. Nothing makes me more, um, satisfied.”

“Two more arms and I WILL be an octopus.”

“I’m Becky. I just crapped up stall #4. I had tacos and refried beans for lunch. Guess what? The ladies’ bathroom is clear out of toilet paper.”

“I wonder how many resumes I’ve sent out this month. I wonder if it’s possible to land a job where I don’t have to wear a noose around my neck.”

“I’m Ted. I pretend to be a real accountant. Truth is, I’ve screwed up numbers here for years while hoping no one catches on. It’s why I’m having chest pains.”

Happy Trails in CubicleVille. Here’s wishing you a relaxing day filled with free food from the conference room that no one has yet picked over. 😉