Perhaps you feel like crap because you’re back at work today after a 48-hour break from the joint.
Perhaps you entertained the thought of calling out sick or using a personal day, anything but facing that counter or cubicle or truck or sales rack.
You wouldn’t believe some of the excuses people have used to get out of work. Or maybe you would.
10 real-life excuses for being late to work:
1. While rowing across the river to work, I got lost in the fog.
2. Someone stole all my daffodils.
3. I had to go audition for American Idol.
4. My ex-husband stole my car so I couldn’t drive to work.
5. My route to work was shut down by a Presidential motorcade. (This can actually happen in the D.C. area; I’ve witnessed the chaotic shutdown of the Presidential motorcade more than once.)
6. I have transient amnesia and couldn’t remember my job.
7. I was indicted for securities fraud this morning.
8. The line was too long at Starbucks. (It’s true, people are actually late to work because the line was long and the baristas were swamped.)
9. I was trying to get my gun back from the police.
10. I didn’t have money for gas because all of the pawn shops were closed.
Who me? Whenever I’ve called out from work, especially when I wasn’t sick, I’d just sound really scratchy and cough-y on the phone, just horrible. But then I’d get back to work the very next day and have to keep sounding scratchy and cough-y. I once had a terribly nosy, meddling boss lady who asked a lot of questions and stood firm for the answers and she was the one person you couldn’t pull wool over. Conversations would go painfully like this:
Nosy BossLady: So you were sick yesterday, Jennifer?
Me: Yep. [Cough]
Nosy BossLady: Well, what was wrong? (fake concern in her voice)
Me: [Sniffle] Well, I think I’m getting a cold.
Nosy BossLady: Well, you sound fine now. [Eyebrows raised, suspicion galore.]
Me: Well, I took some cold medicine, drank a ton of water and rested. I must’ve gotten it under control…
Meanwhile I’m feeling all guilty and caught and suddenly indignant because I don’t like to be questioned about taking a day off. Personally I think it’s none of a boss’s business precisely what made me sick enough to take a sick day off that I earned, thank you very much.
I mean, it could’ve been something uber personal that I would never ever discuss with a boss or coworker anyway. And who says that an illness of any kind can’t be dealt with in one day?
Annoyed. I am.