Dear…Holiday Helen

3 Apr

Nearly every office in America has one.

That coworker who absolutely EATS holidays.

By “eats” I mean she (99% of the time it’s a female)worships every single holiday. I refer to this ubiquitous character as Holiday Helen. Feel free to insert your own Hilda, Marjorie, Blanche or Christina.

Holiday Helen watches her calendar with feverish salivation so that she can immerse herself into whatever holiday it is.

Even St. Patrick’s Day. She wears green from head to toe. Even her fingernails were painted green.

Oy.

Well, now it’s Easter week and she’s been boiling and dyeing eggs since March 15th.

She has plastic, chocolate, foamy, multicolored egg replicas on her desk. She has a huge easter basket strategically placed so that she can lure any coworker into a conversation about the current holiday. She knows holiday stats, too, and rambles them off to whomever gets stuck standing at her desk after having made the mistake of accepting a “free” chocolate egg from her.

She wears sweaters with easter bunny faces on them. She spilled glitter on your desk when she was explaining her most recent holiday craft project with her kids.

Now you have glitter on your eyelids that won’t wash away without puncturing your skin. Or visiting an optometrist.

She even makes bunny noises and knits sweaters for actual rabbits she has yet to meet.

Dear Holiday Helen:

STOP IT.

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One Response to “Dear…Holiday Helen”

  1. the cubicle rebel April 6, 2012 at 11:18 am #

    I’m afraid Holiday Helen may see this.

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