1. You loathe authority figures. In fact, men in suits make your skin crawl.
2. You’re claustrophobic. Sitting in a square each day causes you Rx drug strength anxiety.
3. Your entire eight hour workday centers around what you’re eating for lunch followed by what you should have for dinner. And visits to the vending machine.
4. You speak in “Us against Them” language. Always.
5. You play the lottery daily while visualizing creative ways to tell not only your current boss but former bosses to SHOVE IT.
6. You think nylons are pure evil.
7. You think of neckties as nooses.
8. You use briefcases for rubber stamping supplies.
9. Three-day weekends change the inner core of who you are both preceding the three-day weekend and following the three-day weekend.
10. You feel like a total oddball amongst other cubicle dwellers. Like you’re a striped unicorn and they’re mere stuffed animals with glass eyes. Either that or a piece of strange fruit.