Cult-Like Speak

13 Nov

Ladies and Gentlemen:


I repeat:


Your chosen Establishment is a ways to a means; a way for you to pay for your housing, your car, ridiculous gas prices, potato chips, chewing gum, maxi pads, shaving cream, newer shoes, batteries, whole grain bread, Starbucks cult elixir, new underwear when the elastic boings out of the old ones…You get the picture.

But your Establishment is NOT a place for your mind to be taken over.

You must remain in control of your journey.

You must protect yourself from becoming viscerally one of them.

When you hear words and phrases too often such as:

“The Team”



“Associates”–particularly “Our Associates…”

“Together we can…”


Be wary. Be very wary.

This is cult speak. Companies, organizations, your chosen Establishment is out for mind control. They want you to believe that the oganization you work for needs you but not as much as you need them. They want you to think that they care about you, even your family. They want you to believe that what they are paying you is enough, especially before taxes. They want you to play nice and not revolt and subserviently ignore that you will never ever have a seat by a window. EVER. They want you to believe that your squeaky “ergonomic” chair is perfect for your frame even when you spill over it.

They want you to eat microwavable meals for twenty years and use the same water fountain they do to wash down miscellaneous noodles.

They want you to disclose personal information about your health so that they’ll know how to–ahem–insure you adequately. They want you to eat leftover muffins and previously fondled donuts that The Executives flown in from the midwest didn’t want. They want you to be a Follower, regardless of the ongoing “educational” training they offer to keep you feeling auspicious about your career path there.

It’s all a game. And if you’re losing it’s because your first mistake was to trust them with your next twenty years.

First rule of thumb:

Bring your own Kool-Aid.

This has been a public service announcement from a Cubicle Rebel.


6 Responses to “Cult-Like Speak”

  1. Lindsay @ Lindsay Blogs November 14, 2011 at 1:31 pm #

    I don’t particularly like Kool-Aid. It always leave that sugar film in my mouth. That’s why I bring my own Sprite. 😉

    • thecubiclerebel November 14, 2011 at 8:44 pm #

      I love it. Sprite is better anyway; it has 1/2 tsp. less sugar than the TWO CUPS of sugar generally added to KoolAid.

  2. Robyn Engel November 16, 2011 at 1:09 am #

    Great, fun blog! Thanks for visiting.
    I appreciate your disclosure about the celibacy thing. I’m likely to break your record.
    Be well.

    • thecubiclerebel November 16, 2011 at 3:00 pm #

      Thanks for dropping in. Love your blog, too! Be bold.

  3. Colleen / inspired to share November 20, 2011 at 11:55 pm #

    Haha I can so relate to this! Definitely not drinking the kool-aid. Love your blog!

    • thecubiclerebel November 21, 2011 at 1:13 am #

      Thanks! Just trying to keep some good company whilst in CubicleVille. Otherwise, life is too short.

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