Bald Head = Business Advantage

In the news…

Bald heads are a “business advantage” according to a recent study by the University of Pennsylvania’s Wharton School.

Who knew?

In business, men with shaved heads are perceived to be more masculine and dominant and to have great leadership potential.

Now hold on there. We’re not talking about comb-overs, guys, so don’t get your gabardine britches in a bunch. We’re talking completely bald, as in no cul-de-sac look.

We’re not talking about this look, either:

Nope, more like this clean shaven professional look, I’m sure:

Ok, that guy looks menacing, but you get the point.

The study panel conducted three experiments testing peoples’ perceptions of men with shaved heads. In one of the experiments 344 subjects were shown the photos of the same men: one photo with hair and the other photo without hair, as in digitally removed to appear bald.

In each of the three tests the subjects thought of the men with bald heads to be more dominant than their “hairy” counterparts.  In one test, men with bald heads were even perceived as an inch taller and about 13% stronger than those with fuller manes.
Rogaine must be very unhappy about this revelation. Very.

The study director, Dr. Albert Mannes of the Wharton School, says he was inspired to conduct the research after noticing that people treated him more deferentially when he shaved off his own thinning hair.

A shaved head not only in the professional world but in entertainment has often been deemed as more powerful, as the look is further associated with hyper-masculine images, such as the military and professional athletes.

See? You don’t have to fight against nature, dudes. Just go with it. And besides, most comb-overs are an eye sore.

Happy shavin’.

CEO’s & Their McMansions

Do you live in a tiny one-room apartment while you sit at your desk imagining your boss in a huge house with several bathrooms and perhaps a sauna? Well, while your boss may live in a McMansion similar to this:

CEO’s of major food companies live in waterside castles like this: 

YOWZA.

This spread belongs to Pizza Hut chairman Richard Freeland.  It’s a 30,000-square-foot mansion in Indiana that reportedly cost $35 million.

Next time you eat at Pizza Hut, imagine that. 

I like sharing ridiculously eyeball popping stuff like this. It’s my duty.

Wanna see more? It’s all in Business Insider. 

Job References & Why They Bite

Ugh, the job reference circuit.

You’re looking for a new gig, tired of your old/current gig so you need to put down some people who you think will speak fondly of you. You hope they’ll say stuff like,

“Oh, Jennifer? She was a GREAT employee. She came in early and stayed late. She worked well with others as well as individually with minimal supervision. She was reliable, trustworthy and I would hire her again.”

Instead of

“Oh, Jennifer? She was a LOUSY employee. She came in late and left early. She didn’t quite work well with others and when left alone she would peruse the internet. She was unreliable, untrustworthy and we certainly would NOT hire her again.”

I’ve had both. Well, not as wordy on the latter because, well, it’s apparently against the law for employers to divulge too much information, especially if it sounds personal. Supposedly (former) employers are only supposed to answer basic questions such as how long you worked somewhere, your title and salary and if they’d hire you again. PERIOD.

But oh, to have one of those references where the ex-boss goes on and on, then says too much that’s hurtful. I once had an ex-supervisor state when asked for a reference for me: “Oh, I wouldn’t want to hurt her chances of getting a job.”

W.T.F.?

Lucky for me it was a headhunter whom I had a good rapport with so she asked me outright, “WHAT IN THE WORLD HAPPENED THERE?” I was able to explain that Barbara the person in question was extremely flighty and judgmental, not to  mention lazy, so she was the LAST person to dole out references on ME.

To this day I won’t use anyone (there were only five of us working there anyway) from that company. EVER EVER NEVER. Extracting good references from each or most jobs can be testy.

Ever had a poor job reference? Even slightly bad? Not good when you’re job hunting and need to put down a reference from someone from that particular company that looms large on your resume.

I once had a boss give me a great reference the first time but a crappy reference a few years after giving me the first great reference.

What gives with people? Did his hormones suddenly crash affecting his memory? I am the same Jennifer worker bee that you referenced before, Mark Mr. Poor Reference Giver.

YOU’RE MESSING WITH MY LIFE HERE, BUDDY.

Like I mentioned in my book, I suspect that there are employers who are jealous that you’re out there in the working world moving and grooving while they’re still stuck at the same un-exciting company pushing the same buttons, gazing at the same vending machine. Waiting for twenty more years to pass so that they can finally retire. 

“Hmm, Jennifer’s getting hired AGAIN? I know…I’ll give her a poor reference.”

My thing is this…if a person works well enough (if they lasted at your organization for two or more years and left on their own accord, apparently they worked well enough) just give them a decent reference. If you had personal issues with them (you didn’t think they liked YOU, you didn’t like the way they dressed, you didn’t like their weird nuances, etc.) put those aside.

A job reference isn’t a gateway to hold someone back for personal reasons or to thwart their career efforts; it’s a reference. Keep it short and sweet.

References can and do determine a person’s very working LIFE and therefore their rent/mortgage, their car payments, their food supply, their family life, their overall well being.

Don’t be such a job snob.

The Land of Peculiar Internet Searches

Ladies and Gentlemen, People in Cubicles, Cubicle Rebel blog subscribers, here we go again.

The most peculiar, hilarious, disturbing searches that have landed people at this blog since the last posting on this topic…My thoughts appear in BOLD.

1.  man stuck in digestive system

(Whaaaaaaat? Could there have been a cannibal out there? Should I alert the authorities?!)

2.  kfc dude eating from mcdonalds

(Um, how would you know that this “dude” was a “kfc dude”? Scratching head on this one.)

3.  annoying wrappers in the office

4.  office person sighs annoying -sign -signs

5.  cubicle noise hood

(They make hoods for cubicles now? Pray tell.)

6.  starbucks is a cult

(I actually wrote about this before.) 

7.  obnoxious girl popping bubble gum

(Yep, people who pop gum, particularly in office environments, are totally obnoxious.) 

8.  starbucks interview attire

(I’m thinking black pants and a white shirt will do.) 

9.  tongue cleaner boots

(I’m afraid of this internet searcher.)

10.  hey did you know

(Seriously? Who Googles this?)

11.  coworkers who hint for you to get them lunch

12. erratic person

(Cough. Why would this land them HERE? Does the internet think I’m “erratic”?)

13.  waitress must need items

(What the…?)

14.  germs under fingernails

(Someone thinks that germs are visible.)

15. i have itching on my toes around cubicle area

(Cuticle area?)

16.  coworker won’t stop clicking pen

17.  roofing paychecks

18.   success looking at the light of the future

19.  ear plugs for cubicles

(Ooooh. As a noise intolerant, I can totally relate.)

20.  mc donalds cow

(Some people should just stay away from fast food altogether.) 

21.  lol cubicle noise etiquette

22.  annoying colleague chart

23.  germs free workplace

(In your dreams, buddy. Mine, too!)

24.  large shoe cubicle

25.  administrative assistant hell

(LOL!)

26.  white women hr cubicles

(Hmm, didn’t know there were cubicles specifically for “hr”; assuming they mean human resources.)

27.  be nice to the lunch lady

(You got that right! Or she’ll put her musky finger in your mashed potatoes.) 

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!! 

Actually there are so very many more I could add but I’ll save the super howlers for next time.

Oh, that was goooood. 

Truly, the People of the Internet do make me laugh. And Lord knows I need to laugh these days. As an unemployed blogger who eats cheese sandwiches on a daily basis.

‘Til next time.

What People Do On Weekends

I wonder about people. I always have. And there are layers to my wonderment. For instance, I don’t just wonder stuff like “Hmm, I wonder if Weird Bob is weird.” I  already know that Weird Bob is weird. I already imagine some of the weird things he does when he’s alone, especially seeing the weird things he does when people are around.

So I wonder about more general things like what am I doing with my time off from work?!

For years I worked jobs I loathed disliked. I’m talking jobs where you couldn’t wait for Friday to show up, to have two consecutive days off.  Gosh, Fridays prior to three-day weekends were cause for whistles and balloons and uncontrollable giggling. Well, I’d get home on a Friday after work and sink into the couch and watch television while reading. Two of my favorite things to do simultaneously. Oh, sure, I’d eat, too. Of course I ate. Fridays usually meant something sinful like a slice of red velvet cake from Safeway. (I could spend six minutes eyeballing each individually packaged slice to determine which one had the most cream cheese frosting before purchasing.)  Throw in some other miscellaneous carbohydrates and the weekend would be set.

I was a barren spinster for many years so don’t wonder about a boyfriend. CAKE was my boyfriend.

So I’d settle in to the couch with the remote control and a book or stack of magazines and by Sunday  had nearly become one with the couch fabric. Oh, it was restful and lazy and lethargic and…boring? Not the act of it all, but I was boring, it seemed.

All those weekends, for years and years, especially as my friends got married and there was less and less hanging out and fewer date nights I had this pervasive thought…

WHAT ARE OTHER PEOPLE DOING ALL WEEKEND? 

I would look out of the window and watch cars speeding up Route 50 in Arlington, Va and wonder where in the world were all these people headed to, especially in such a frenzy? (Yep, this is the same street I once saw President Clinton’s motorcade ride through on.) I would hear my neighbors through the walls and wonder what they were up to. I would see people coming and going in the apartment buildings I lived in with bags from the mall and from the grocery store, perhaps with their own cream cheese frosting loneliness demands.

All I cared about was relaxing and abolishing thoughts of work from my brain the very moment they appeared. As much as I wondered what others were doing, feeling as if I was missing out on some huge weekend movement, I finally gave up envying them and whatever they were doing. I told myself that surely they weren’t doing anything that special.  I mean, there’s only but so much pleasure to fit into a weekend.

Turns out I was right…

FROM NPR (National Public Radio):

Dear Clueless Gum Popper @ the Office…

Dear Clueless Gum Popper @the Office:

Must you torture our ears with the pop, pop, popping sound of chewing gum bumping against your teeth as you twist and turn the glob in such a fashion that it makes noises outside of your own personal space?

You’re killing us, your coworkers.

The very sound of that snap, crackle, popping noise nearly eight hours a day has made some of us imagine purely evil thoughts against you.  We almost can’t help ourselves.  We’ve been through this before.

Why, Bill, he even tried to remove the gum from your desk when we sent you on that wild goose chase for the McCafferty files on the 2nd floor. Remember? When you came back to the department six times and Laura sent you back again and again? 

Ahem.  There are no McCafferty files.

As long as you keep abusing us with noise pollution we will continue plotting against you and your gum stash.

There you sit day in and day out popping gum resembling a firecracker that can be heard all the way down the  hallway. I once was in the stairwell and heard it as I opened the door. Do you know how far the stairwell is from your desk?

I’ve fantasized about you having extensive dental work so that you could not chew anything, especially gum. Only quiet things would enter your mouth. Like yogurt.

Once, when you were off from work for two days straight, on sick leave, our entire department breathed a huge sigh of relief. It was two days of no-gum-popping bliss.

No one missed you.

Not even a little bit.

You are clueless in a way that befuddles us all. Do you ever imagine what it’s like to hear the grating noise of a popping sound for hours each day?And even with the repeated hints we’ve given you, you still stuff that gum into your pie hole and go to town gnawing on it as if it’s your very first piece of gum ever, as if the sugar in the gum is magic elixir that you must extract every single bit of.

Please, for the love of sanity, switch to hard candy.

We can’t take it anymore.

Aching in CubicleVille,

Your Co-workers

“Challenge” Anyone?

So often while job searching throughout the years I’ve seen the word “challenging” in job postings. As in, If you like to be challenged, this is the job for you. 

Or something like Challenging job opportunity for the RIGHT person! 

Oy.

OY, I SAY.

Who in the world desires a challenge, really? Except for adventurous types who climb mountains with dental floss strapped around their waistbands? Or NASCAR drivers or similar dare devils who dangle from buildings while tap dancing?

I am none of the above. Neither are most people.

Most of us like quiet time on couches coupled with delectable snacks and 258 cable channels and a remote control with strong batteries. With a calm sleeping dog at our feet.

It’s amazing how many employers use the word challenge. 

RUSH HOUR is a challenge, for crying out loud.

Dealing with coworkers is a challenge.

Shaking the vending machine to retrieve my Pop Tarts is a challenge.

Working for less than I always think I’m worth is a challenge.

Matching my clothing to assimilate into the working environment is a downright challenge.

GETTING UP EVERY SINGLE MONDAY MORNING for decades has been a challenge.

So why would I want the actual job itself, beyond all of this other stuff, to challenge me?

My nostrils are flaring.

FROM DICTIONARY.COM:

chal·lenge

noun, verb, chal·lenged, chal·leng·ing, adjective

1. a call or summons to engage in any contest, as of skill, strength, etc.

2. something that by its nature or character serves as a call to battle, contest, special effort.

3. a call to fight, as a battle, a duel, etc.

4. a demand to explain, justify.

5. difficulty in a job or undertaking that is stimulating to one engaged in it.

Even the dictionary states that challenge is indeed an antagonistic word.

A call to fight, battle, engage in any contest.  I mean, the word “duel” is actually used.

WHO readily signs up for this stuff?

(Of course while interviewing I pretend as if I adore challenges. I’m an actress; I just don’t play one on TV.)

If I’m going to have to “duel” at work I’m gonna have to start taking B vitamins again.